STACE CHRISTIANSON'S CLASS ON BOUNDARIES

I went to a class taught by Life Coach Stace Christianson. It was very good, packed full of great information. Her lesson today was on Boundaries. Here are a few of things she taught, not always worded well as I was taking notes very fast and missed things but I'm putting them here as they are in my notebook so I can come back later, and read them, and hopefully, make some positive changes in myself:

• When we retreat from someone who we are having a discussion with it is usually because we don't have the skills we need. (I always retreated when Phil and I had differing opinions and I would finally throw my hands in the air and say, "You win. Do it your way") We need to know that we can have a differing opinion without confrontation.
• How we say things are really important--are we safe in the conversation? Everyone should feel safe and everyone should come out better at the end.
• If you are feeling uncomfortable it might be because you are feeling like you are being manipulated. Stace asks for some time to think about it. She said passive manipulation is hard to recognize and you often don't recognize it--you just feel uncomfortable. Don't be judgmental but be responsible to your beliefs.
• People who judge you, call you names, say you are one (negative) way or another are emotionally handicapped. They are hard to be in a relationship with. When they say how you are--give you labels--wrap the labels up and send them back to them. Really, what they are describing is themselves.

This part was really interesting--well, it was all interesting:

• She has one day to honor herself. For her, this means having "alone time." She schedules nothing. She does what she wants to. Alone time, for her, is how she recharges.
• Honor other's too. You don't want them to feel incapable, etc.
• When I really believe I am a daughter of God I understand the setting of boundaries. You cannot have good intimate relationships without healthy boundaries.
• As women we don't usually differentiate between love and trust but we need to learn the difference.
• Never give your trust to someone who is not responsible.
• You will not value yourself or have happiness if you give your love to someone who is not responsible. The fruit of responsibility is love. They are not entitled to our trust until they are emotionally responsible.
• Pleasing someone else may not be honoring yourself.

She has what she calls the focus of five:

1. God. Her relationship with Him. She does this with personal scripture study and prayer.
2. Relationship with self. For her, one of the musts is exercising and her piano practice. She does what she needs to do to keep herself emotionally and physically healthy. She gives herself permission to do the things she needs. Sometimes "doing nothing" is a priority. she says she is a far superior wife, mother, friend as she honors herself. When you honor yourself you can be filled up and then you have more to give.
3. Relationship with her husband. She makes time to connect with him on a personal way every day.
4. Relationship with her children.
5. Her eternal identity. Her emotional truths. She sees them and she shares them. Doing things for others comes under this.

If we haven't been honoring our boundaries sometimes aggression comes out. Not sure what that means but I will ask her next week.